


Happy Birthday, John!

by helldyke420



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depressed John Egbert is Depressed, Depression, Flashbacks, Happy Ending, Hurt and comfort, PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 17:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18451124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helldyke420/pseuds/helldyke420
Summary: It's John's birthday today! But looks like someone isn't in a party mood :o/ John contemplates how much winning the game cost them all.





	Happy Birthday, John!

A young man stands in his kitchen, bracing himself on the counter. His eyes are fixed on the granite countertop, not really paying attention to it, just staring at it. He doesn’t think to blink, to ease the pain in his dried eyes, or to bring feeling back into his frozen limbs.

This young man’s name is John Egbert, of course. Everyone knows who he is. The hero, the winner. John. He doesn’t particularly feel much like a hero or winner now, gripped in his memory’s grasp.

Blood.

Pain.

His friends faces, locked in a death mask of agony.

His father’s body, sprawled on the ground in front of him.

It was all so much. Too much. His friends … his family … most of them were just … gone. Jane’s dad was kind but… He wasn’t really his dad. He regarded John fondly, but not as one would a son. John gasps harshly as he feels pressure rise behind his eyes, tears threatening to fall. For the first time in minutes he moves, hands going up, pushing up his glasses to press against his eyes, holding tears in even as he lets out a shuddering sob. How many dead? How many, total? Who had he failed to help, in how many timelines? He managed to salvage this one, but at the cost of so many. If they could have reached the trolls sooner … if he had caught up to his father quicker… maybe all of them would be alive. He drags his hands down his face, smearing his tears a little. He looks out the window, at the bright sky, the grass swaying gently in the spring air.

His friends had offered to throw him a party again, but even as the years pass the wound left by the game seems to get deeper, makes him want to be alone more often. As a kid he couldn’t spend enough time with his friends, racing home every day to talk to them. Now all he can think about is how his friends all died in his timeline. This timeline was close to his … but there were small differences of course. And they added up, until he almost felt like they were completely different people. He wondered if they felt the same about him.

He runs his hand through his hair, sighing softly, and looks around his empty kitchen. The house was quiet, the faint sound of birds outside providing a soft cushion to the silence. He didn’t have anything to do today, now. No plans. No errands to do. Nothing to take his mind off the game. He moves out of the kitchen, and into the living room, toes curling and feeling the soft carpet. His eyes linger on the piano, and he smiles a little. He walks over to it, hand trailing over the dark wood before sitting down. There’s music sitting on the stand, but he knows this song by heart. He remembered sitting with his dad as he walked him through the steps, patient as ever.

The first note rings out slowly, and he pauses. And then he presses forward, humming quietly as he plays. The notes come louder and more confident as he goes on, a small smile making its way across his face. He could almost see his dad beside him, gently guiding his hands to the right position, like he was six again and everything was normal. Before life got all fucked up.

The music tapers off, and he sits there, silently looking at the keys, hands still frozen in the last position. He wondered if his dad would be proud of him.

There’s a knock on the door, and he jumps, reaching for his hammer without thinking. It takes him a second to remember that no one was coming to hurt him, not anymore, and to slowly put his hammer away. He pushes himself away from the piano, standing up slowly, leaning on the piano for balance. John pads over to the door, and opens it, and is immediately barreled over by 150 pounds of excited Jade.  
“HEY JOHN!” She yells, hugging him tightly. “Happy birthday!” He pauses before hugging her back, and his house is invaded by two more people.  
“Hey Egbert.” Dave says, smiling. Rose waves.  
“We are aware you requested no party, but we thought it might be fun to have a little get together.”  
“Yeah!” Jade says, pulling away. “And we brought gifts!” He can’t help the smile forming on his face.  
“Jeez guys, you didn’t have to you know.” He says, folding his arms.  
“Yeah well we wanted to.” Dave says, pushing past him. “Point me to the dvd player, you know your boy brought some shitty Cage movies.” John laughs, easily letting him in.  
“They are pretty bad, aren’t they?” He admits, following him into his living room. He hears Rose shut the door behind them, and Jade bounds after Dave, taking up shop on his couch.  
“Which one first?” She asks.  
“Oh you know mama brought Con Air, baby.” Dave pulls out the dvd, waving it at her. Rose comes up beside him, and links her arm in his.  
“Come along John. Shall we sit down?” He smiles.  
“Yeah.” He lets her lead him to the couch, sandwiching him between her and Jade. He puts an arm around Jade’s shoulders, and she leans against him.  
“I brought Mario Kart too, so maybe we can play that for a minute after this, and then food and gifts!” She says, starting to plan out the whole night. Rose watches her rattling off what activities they should do, grinning.  
“Fuck, this dvd player is complicated. Like a fuckin sphynx riddle.” Dave mutters, and finally gets the dvd in. “God damn.” He says, standing up. “Egbert I think your dvd player hates me.”  
“It doesn’t react well to losers with no taste for cinema classics.” Dave flips him off, but cracks a smile, and sits on the other side of Jade.  
“Everybody shut up and make fun of this hot pile of garbage.” Jade and Rose laugh, Rose quietly, Jade loud and happy.  
“This is so fun! I feel like we haven’t hung out, just the four of us, in like forever!” John smiles. He has to agree, despite everything, it’s still nice to be with his friends.

**Author's Note:**

> heya! thanks for reading! comments and criticisms welcome :o)  
> if you like this, follow my tumblr, helldyke420!


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